Anal training kits are usually sold as a numbered set — small, medium, large, sometimes with a fourth piece bigger again. The marketing implies a progression you complete, like rungs on a ladder. The reality is more interesting: most people who use a kit well never make it past the medium, and that's the point. The largest size in the box isn't the goal. Comfort with the size you actually want is.
This is the practical guide to using one of these kits — what they're good for, how to step through them, and what the box doesn't tell you.
What's in the kit
A standard anal training kit is three to four butt plugs of graduated size, usually in matching shape and material. Sizes commonly run something like:
- Small — about the diameter of a finger (2-2.5 cm)
- Medium — about the diameter of a thumb (3-3.5 cm)
- Large — about the diameter of two fingers (4-4.5 cm)
- Sometimes a fourth at 5cm+
Good kits are medical-grade silicone, one-piece (no seams), and have a clear, broad flared base on every plug. We covered why the base matters in the body-safe-toy-labels piece — anything without one can migrate internally and become an emergency room visit. No exceptions.
What "training" actually means
The honest version: there's no anatomical change happening. The anal sphincter doesn't stretch the way the vagina does in childbirth — it relaxes. What you're training is your nervous system to let go.
The internal sphincter (the deeper one) is involuntary. The external sphincter is partly voluntary. Both clamp shut when you're tense, anxious, cold, in a hurry, or anticipating pain. Training is the slow process of teaching your body that this particular kind of pressure is safe and pleasurable, not threatening.
That's why the kit is graduated. Not because each plug stretches you for the next — because each plug lets your nervous system learn the sensation at a manageable level before you ask it to handle more.
Before the first session
- Empty bowels. A bowel movement an hour or two before is usually enough. Some people prefer a shower-bulb rinse with warm water; this is fine if you don't overdo it (clean water, no soap, low pressure, once).
- Clean toys. Warm water and unscented soap, or a toy cleaner. Dry fully.
- Lube ready. Silicone-based or thick water-based — see the section below.
- Time. Block 30-45 minutes. This is the single biggest predictor of a good session. Rushing locks the sphincter.
- Privacy and warmth. Cold rooms tense everything. A hot shower beforehand helps.
The lube question
The anus produces no natural lubricant. Whatever you use, you need more than you think.
- Silicone-based lube is the gold standard for anal — long-lasting, slippery, doesn't dry out. Don't use it with silicone toys long-term, but a single session is fine if you wash the toy properly afterwards.
- Thick water-based lube (specifically labelled for anal — not standard runny lube) is fine for silicone toys. Reapply often.
- Oil-based lube works but breaks latex condoms. Skip if condoms are involved.
- Numbing lubes — skip entirely. Pain is information. If you can't feel the warning sign, you'll do real damage and not know until afterwards.
Stepping through the sizes
This is where most people get it wrong. The kit isn't a checklist for one weekend.
Session 1-3: the smallest
Use only the smallest plug. Lots of lube, slow insertion, hold it for 10-20 minutes while you do something relaxing. The first time, full insertion isn't even the goal — getting used to the sensation is. Some people find arousal helps; others find arousal makes them tense. Experiment.
Stop the session when the plug feels boring. That's the sign your body has accepted it. Don't escalate the same night.
Session 4-8 (over 1-2 weeks): comfort with the smallest
The smallest should now go in easily, feel good, stay in for the duration of foreplay or partnered sex. You should be able to insert it, walk to the next room, come back, and have it not be the only thing on your mind.
If you're not there after eight sessions, stay with the smallest. There's no time pressure.
Session 9+: medium
Only when the smallest is comfortable, switch to medium. The first medium session, expect to be back at "is this okay?" — that's normal. Treat it like the first session over again. More lube, more time, lower expectations.
Most people need 4-6 medium sessions before it feels like the small did.
Large and beyond
Genuinely optional. Many people stop at medium because medium is what they want for receptive anal sex with an average-sized partner. Large and extra-large are for people whose specific interest involves bigger sizes — not a default destination.
Signs to slow down or stop
- Sharp pain (dull pressure is fine; sharp is a problem)
- Bleeding, even small amounts
- Burning during or after
- Anal fissure symptoms (pain on bowel movements that lasts days)
- An overwhelming urge to clamp down rather than relax
If any of these show up, stop entirely for at least a week. If bleeding or fissure symptoms persist, see a clinician — anal fissures are common and very treatable, but not something to push through.
The breathing rule
The single most useful technique: breathe out as you insert.
The pelvic floor and the diaphragm are linked. Long exhales drop the pelvic floor and relax the sphincter. Holding your breath does the opposite. This is the entire mechanism behind the "bear down slightly" advice some people give — what's actually happening is a long, slow exhale that drops the pelvic floor.
One breath in through the nose, four-count exhale out through the mouth, plug moves in on the exhale. Pause at any moment of tension. Wait until the next exhale. This single technique resolves most "it just won't go in" problems.
Wearing plugs during other activity
Once a size is comfortable, some people wear it during partnered sex, masturbation, or just around the house. A few notes:
- Time limits. Two to three hours is generally fine for a comfortable size. Longer wear can cause local irritation. Overnight is not recommended — the sphincter needs time to fully reset.
- Watch for slow drift. Plugs occasionally slip out — fine, just means your sphincter is fully relaxed. Plugs that get pulled deeper are the bigger problem; the flared base prevents this with a properly designed toy.
- Walking is normal. Sitting on hard surfaces with a plug in can press uncomfortably; soft chairs are fine.
Cleaning between sizes
Wash each plug after use with warm water and unscented soap, or use a dedicated toy cleaner. Silicone plugs can be boiled for 3-5 minutes for sterilisation between partners or after illness. Dry fully before storage. Store the kit somewhere clean and dry — its original case is fine if it has one.
Partnered training vs solo
Both work. Solo gives you full control of pace and pressure — many people find it easier to relax without anyone watching. Partnered adds the erotic context that motivates training in the first place. The mistake is going from zero solo experience straight to a partner inserting a medium-sized plug. Solo familiarity first, partner involvement second, is gentler on the nervous system and the relationship.
If a partner is doing the inserting
- Their pace is set by the receptive partner, full stop
- Use a hand signal or word that means stop — moans during anal play are easy to misread
- The inserting partner watches breathing, not just verbal feedback
- Stop if the receptive partner goes silent; ask, don't assume
How a kit compares to single-toy progression
Some users skip kits entirely and buy a single toy at a comfortable size, then a slightly bigger one later. This works too, with two trade-offs:
- You spend more total (R200-400 per single toy vs R400-700 for a graduated kit)
- You can't step back to a smaller size on a tense night
The advantage of a kit is built-in flexibility. On a low-energy evening, the smallest is still pleasant. On a more relaxed evening, you can go bigger. That flexibility is the actual value of the graduated set, not the implication that you'll end at the largest size.
What to do with the sizes you outgrow
Most people end up with one or two sizes from the kit that become favourites and one or two that gather dust. Don't throw the unused ones away — circumstances change. Stress, illness, postpartum recovery, or simply a long break from anal play can mean wanting the smaller size again. Keep the whole kit, even if a particular size feels unused for months.
The bottom line
Anal training kits work — but they work slowly, on the timeline of weeks and months, not nights. The graduation is real, but it's a graduation in nervous-system trust, not in tissue capacity. Lots of lube, lots of breath, lots of patience, no pain. The smallest plug used well is more useful than the largest plug used badly.
And the largest size in the box is genuinely optional. The goal is what you actually enjoy — not what came in the set.
